I want to be a mother, and have a family. One little, two little, three little babies of my own."
I would guess that not many of you are familiar with this sweet little ditty from my childhood. Though I'm sure it never made Billboard's top anything, it is still a classic in my book.
I held on to this Eve-instinct from my days of playing dolls to become a professional diaper-changing, garbage-handling, kisses-giving, fight-breaking, meal-making, owie-healing, party-planning, schedule-coordinating, book-reading, story-telling, home-making mother.
Clearly, building up my family is my most important work, but I have recently faced a nagging question:
"What am I doing to build me?"
As a blushing young twenty, I remember only fragmented details of my wedding day, and even less of the encouraging words of the man who married us. But I do remember his counsel to us to help each other build our talents. Have I followed this counsel in supporting Dave? Have I sabatoged Dave's efforts by discounting his compliments and encouragement over the years through eyes of self-doubt?
Like many moms who choose to stay home, I have been known to muse about what I might be in my LAC (Life After Children). Would I be an ultrasound tech? Would I get to star in infomercials? (How I would LOVE to be the clumsy actress unable to form an edible pancake without the Perfect Pancake!)
And then after the birth of Number Five, the thought came to me, though not all at once, but like a distant siren that approached from afar before driving right up my street:
I can't wait until my LAC.
My Mom, now in the throes of her LAC has left the musing stage, and has come to begrudingly accept that she will never have endless free days to pursue whatever musings she kept secret in her 39 years of single-minded devotion to raising children. I feel for her.
Yes, raising children has presented challenges which have built my talents. I am a VERY talented diaper changer now. I can create dinner out of whatever is in my pantry, while nursing a baby, and reading another round of Dinosaurs Galore. I can extract teaching moments out of every experience. I have learned how to apply Girl Scout patches, catch ants, and construct apartments out of clementine boxes. I can make peace with disgruntled toddlers, which is no small feat. But have I hidden another candle collection under my secret bushel?
Once upon a time I was the most popular peer editor in the second grade. Rather than simply exchanging papers with a neighbor, each student in our class could select any other student to review their writing. I thrived in the large stack of papers piled high on my desk during writing workshop. And I relished the process of working over the words in front of me, determined to clarify, rather than squash, the voices of my peers.
I would go on to edit for school newspapers, and work professionally as a college textbook editor, in addition to the casual editing I offered to friends and family.
And yet my secret growing desire since the second grade has been to become a writer in my own right. I have wanted to stop baby-sitting other people's words, and give birth to my own. And somehow I have finally found the courage to move forward.
Do I want to write for money? Sure. If it works out that way. But money is not the motive of my pen. Putting words on paper is where I make sense of what happens to me, evaluating my response to the experiences life throws my way. It is where I process and release the negative memories, savor again the beauty of my simple blessings, and look onward with hope.
My passion for writing has given rise to my biggest hurdle: being willing to judge something so personal in approaching my own work as an editor, or in allowing someone else to edit for me. But I am finally ready to make that jump. I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.
May the writer in my heart find her way to the surface, inspiring those who read her work to not only find joy in the journey, but to create for themselves a journey of joy.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Orders are in...
Our girls sold 69 boxes of GS cookies.
Considering the fact that we are not talented in the sales department, I consider that AWESOME!
My goal was 10 boxes per girl so they could each earn the cute little patch.
And we only bought 13 for our family. Hope I get back to the gym before the cookies arrive...
***Update...after some last minute orders, our adjusted grand total is...drumroll... 84 boxes!
Considering the fact that we are not talented in the sales department, I consider that AWESOME!
My goal was 10 boxes per girl so they could each earn the cute little patch.
And we only bought 13 for our family. Hope I get back to the gym before the cookies arrive...
***Update...after some last minute orders, our adjusted grand total is...drumroll... 84 boxes!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sick...
of sick. And snow. And freezing temps. And the dull headache from being sick. And tired. Very tired.
Sick of unplanned doctor visits I had to make. And dentist visits that happened to be scheduled for this week. Sick of the drive-through pharmacy at Walgreens (Sorry M and S...if only you were here, we wouldn't visit Walgreens for Rx's).
Sick of getting up in the night with kids who can't sleep because they can't breathe properly, or their ears hurt. Sick of parenting grumpy kids who haven't gotten enough sleep. Sick of feeling grumpy myself, and trying to control it for the sake of the kids. And gosh, doesn't someone have to stay positive here? Does it have to always be me?
Sick of wiping snotty noses. Sick of wanting to visit the gym but being unable to put my kids in the child care because they're sick.
Sick of this house that I love, but that feels like a prison, where my only escape is as exciting as work release...to do a school pick-up, or visit the doctor, or drag sick kids into the big girls' cheer class only to drag them back out to the car to wait for an hour before dragging them all back in for pick-up.
But still grateful.
Grateful that I have these darling kids, and this house, and a husband who really is my best friend. Grateful that he has a job. Grateful that I get to stay home with the kids.
Grateful for the underlying peace I retain regardless of the turmoil in the world, or in our family on any given day. Grateful to know that my Heavenly Father is mindful of me. That my Savior lives. That even our trials can be for our good.
Grateful for chocolate, especially hot chocolate on these cold days. Grateful for friends willing to help a little here and there...to keep a child while I visit the doctor or pick one up for school so another could nap a little longer.
Grateful for Number Four's "I love you more!" when I tucked him in (for the fifth time).
Grateful for Number One's renewed interest in being kind to Number Three.
Grateful for Number Two's amazing creativity and desire to do what is right, even when it is hard for her.
Grateful for Number Five's smile this afternoon, even when she must have still felt miserable.
Grateful for Number Three's excitement to have matching hair (pigtails) with me this morning.
Grateful for Dave's patience with me when our house isn't cleaning itself very well, and the sweet sincerity of his "I love you very much" after yet another long day.
Grateful for bedtime, and the chance to start over again tomorrow.
And maybe if I am lucky, (though I wouldn't bet my bottom dollar on it) "tomorrow there'll be sun."
And if not...I'll do my best to love it anyway.
Sick of unplanned doctor visits I had to make. And dentist visits that happened to be scheduled for this week. Sick of the drive-through pharmacy at Walgreens (Sorry M and S...if only you were here, we wouldn't visit Walgreens for Rx's).
Sick of getting up in the night with kids who can't sleep because they can't breathe properly, or their ears hurt. Sick of parenting grumpy kids who haven't gotten enough sleep. Sick of feeling grumpy myself, and trying to control it for the sake of the kids. And gosh, doesn't someone have to stay positive here? Does it have to always be me?
Sick of wiping snotty noses. Sick of wanting to visit the gym but being unable to put my kids in the child care because they're sick.
Sick of this house that I love, but that feels like a prison, where my only escape is as exciting as work release...to do a school pick-up, or visit the doctor, or drag sick kids into the big girls' cheer class only to drag them back out to the car to wait for an hour before dragging them all back in for pick-up.
But still grateful.
Grateful that I have these darling kids, and this house, and a husband who really is my best friend. Grateful that he has a job. Grateful that I get to stay home with the kids.
Grateful for the underlying peace I retain regardless of the turmoil in the world, or in our family on any given day. Grateful to know that my Heavenly Father is mindful of me. That my Savior lives. That even our trials can be for our good.
Grateful for chocolate, especially hot chocolate on these cold days. Grateful for friends willing to help a little here and there...to keep a child while I visit the doctor or pick one up for school so another could nap a little longer.
Grateful for Number Four's "I love you more!" when I tucked him in (for the fifth time).
Grateful for Number One's renewed interest in being kind to Number Three.
Grateful for Number Two's amazing creativity and desire to do what is right, even when it is hard for her.
Grateful for Number Five's smile this afternoon, even when she must have still felt miserable.
Grateful for Number Three's excitement to have matching hair (pigtails) with me this morning.
Grateful for Dave's patience with me when our house isn't cleaning itself very well, and the sweet sincerity of his "I love you very much" after yet another long day.
Grateful for bedtime, and the chance to start over again tomorrow.
And maybe if I am lucky, (though I wouldn't bet my bottom dollar on it) "tomorrow there'll be sun."
And if not...I'll do my best to love it anyway.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Last Call for Girl Scout Cookies
Please feel no pressure or obligation whatsoever, but if you want Girl Scout cookies...
I need orders by Monday (Wednesday at the latest). Money can follow later.
They are $4 per box (highway robbery, though for a good cause). You can find descriptions of all of the cookies at:
http://www.girlscoutcookies.org/
click on Meet the Cookies in the top left-hand corner.
We are selling all of the cookies listed with the exceptions of Daisy-Go-Rounds, Thanks-A-Lot, and Lemonades.
Just email or call me to let me know how many boxes you want, and which kinds, and I will get payment whenever we can work it out.
I am willing to ship them, and will split actual shipping costs.
I need orders by Monday (Wednesday at the latest). Money can follow later.
They are $4 per box (highway robbery, though for a good cause). You can find descriptions of all of the cookies at:
http://www.girlscoutcookies.org/
click on Meet the Cookies in the top left-hand corner.
We are selling all of the cookies listed with the exceptions of Daisy-Go-Rounds, Thanks-A-Lot, and Lemonades.
Just email or call me to let me know how many boxes you want, and which kinds, and I will get payment whenever we can work it out.
I am willing to ship them, and will split actual shipping costs.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
So Helpful
Preschoolers are awesome, because they actually WANT to help around the house. Number Three eagerly volunteered to set the table for dinner all by herself one night last week.
Is she giving us a secret message that SOMEONE in our home has a big mouth?
Friday, January 16, 2009
An oldie but a goodie on how NOT to simplify...
from my previous blog.
I read a post on Segullah that reminded me of this post from months ago, so I decided to dig it up and re-post it. Reminiscing through it reminds me that I've come a long way towards actually simplifying my life.
September 19, 2007
7 Ways NOT to Simplify Your Life
1. Make sure that every minute is booked.
2. Don't plan too far ahead. You can put things on the calendar far in advance, but don't check the calendar too far ahead to tip yourself off as to what is coming.
3. Do have friends over whenever they can come, or even your sister's friends, whether you really do or don't have time. Honestly, having good company is always worth it.
4. When you do make a plan, stick with only the basic gist of it. If you or someone else you know, even only remotely (like a butcher at the store) offers a suggestion on how to embellish your plan, work it in at all costs.
5. Don't focus on one thing at a time, or you lose sight of the chaos. Try to do everything all at once.
6. Be sure to have as many little children involved as you can fit in your vehicle.
7. Don't do now what you could be doing at the last minute.
Let's take a look at how these seven principles can be put into action.
Let's say that your whole family has all been sick, but your sister's family's really good friend is coming into town on business and has something to deliver to your home. And the best time for both of you is Wednesday evening, which also happens to be ballet night, when you get home after dinnertime. Now, although you knew weeks ago that he would be coming this week, you would be sure to not have planned for such a visit, so that when the time came, it could be a surprise reminder.
Do not just give him your address, be sure to extend a dinner invitation. Honestly, the man is a really great man, and church leader where he lives, and a great friend to your sister. He would be a great dinner guest.
Plan to know what you are having for dinner the night before he comes, so you can go to the store while kids are in bed. But then don't. Don't go to the store, or decide what to have.
Instead, decide on an "easy" crockpot meal best cooked on low for 12 hours (pot roast). But don't decide this until there are 11 hours until dinner.
Be sure to "run" into Sam's Club after the morning school dropoffs, because it is such a not easy place to be quick at. Purchase a very large roast, and potatoes you don't really want. Think about buying the salad mix, but don't buy it. You can worry about that later. Listen to the butcher's instructions about how to tenderize the meat when you need to cook it more quickly. Be sure to get only vague instructions about how it really works. Spend lots of time contemplating dessert. Try some interesting cookies.
Don't look too carefully at the roast until you get to the car, so you can really be surprised by how big it is. Realize only then that it would be too big for your crockpot. Consider the possibilities as to whether you should cut it to fit, or whether you ought to buy a new crockpot. Decide to buy a new one at Target on the way home, but then change your mind and drive the other way. Change your mind again and make a u-turn.
While at Target, consider that your guest powder room really needs some hand towels, as opposed to the roll of paper towel on the towel rack. Think about decorative items that would look good on the shelves.
Study the crockpots very carefully before choosing one. Make sure you have read each box at least 3 times.
After completing your shopping at Target, realize that you no longer have time to go home before picking up your Pre-K child. Stop at Jewel for dry onion soup mix. Buy a real onion too. And some bananas. And if soda is on sale, go for that too. Don't forget the meat tenderizer and mallet thing. And buy some different potatoes that you like better
Get to Pre-K a little early. Early enough that you will need to find something productive to do. Surely you can do something in 6 minutes. Read the meat tenderizer package. When you find the suggestion that thick cuts should have the stuff on them 30 minutes before cooking, line the floor of your van with plastic bags, and smack that thing with your new mallet. While your two year old looks on with a mixture of horror and amusement, laugh like a mad woman. Laugh hard. You are doing it! You are living the unsimplified life! But wait, there's more!
Hurry the children home and get that roast in the new crockpot. Of course wash the new crockpot first. Then you might notice that the roast still won't fit very well. Get out your old crockpot. Cut the roast in half. Chop lots more potatoes. Get both crockpots going! Make everyone lunch, and start cleaning. Don't forget to Goo Gone the gum out of your dryer from the last load so you can wash the bedding that the two year-olds diaper leaked on last night.
Load the children back in the van to get the first grader. Rush home. Throw snacks at them. Keep cleaning. Help them put their tights on. Don't remember to put the bedding in the de-gummed dryer. Load for ballet. In a hurry. Confuse the time you are supposed to be there so you can arrive early. Realize when you are almost there that class doesn't start for 18 minutes.
Don't feed your baby during the first class as planned, or visit the nearby Tuesday Morning to look for bathroom decor. Be sure to just visit with another mom during that time. During the second child's class, rush through Tuesday Morning, and go to Jewel again...different Jewel...so you can buy ingredients for the salad you didn't purchase for earlier. Study every option of lettuce available before choosing one. Or two. Prewashed organic is always a good option. Buy some new salad dressing too. The goal is to leave as little time as possible at home to finish the list there.
Run home. Don't finish the cleaning first, but do set up the bathroom with the new purchases. And do some cleaning. At least take Clorox wipes over all possibly offensive surfaces, such as kitchen counters, bathroom sinks, floors, toilets. Be quick.
Run back to get the other child from ballet. Come back home and hurry around finishing.
Enjoy dinner. You do deserve it! You made a whole mountain range out of this molehill event. What a talent! What a production!
After the wonderful guest leaves, don't clean up right away. In fact, don't clean up anything yet. Check your email. IM your cousin-in-law/friend. Make a blog entry. You wouldn't want to do those dishes before the food is crusted on them, would you?
Be sure to have someone scheduled to come over first thing in the morning so everything has to be cleaned up again. Don't remember this until you are checking your email. Make a long list of things to do before bed, and start them at 10:55. Actually don't start that soon. Call your little brother first.
This, my friends, is a fabulous example of how to follow the seven effective habits of a highly unsimplified life.
Make these principles your own, and you too can exist in happy chaos forever!
I read a post on Segullah that reminded me of this post from months ago, so I decided to dig it up and re-post it. Reminiscing through it reminds me that I've come a long way towards actually simplifying my life.
September 19, 2007
7 Ways NOT to Simplify Your Life
1. Make sure that every minute is booked.
2. Don't plan too far ahead. You can put things on the calendar far in advance, but don't check the calendar too far ahead to tip yourself off as to what is coming.
3. Do have friends over whenever they can come, or even your sister's friends, whether you really do or don't have time. Honestly, having good company is always worth it.
4. When you do make a plan, stick with only the basic gist of it. If you or someone else you know, even only remotely (like a butcher at the store) offers a suggestion on how to embellish your plan, work it in at all costs.
5. Don't focus on one thing at a time, or you lose sight of the chaos. Try to do everything all at once.
6. Be sure to have as many little children involved as you can fit in your vehicle.
7. Don't do now what you could be doing at the last minute.
Let's take a look at how these seven principles can be put into action.
Let's say that your whole family has all been sick, but your sister's family's really good friend is coming into town on business and has something to deliver to your home. And the best time for both of you is Wednesday evening, which also happens to be ballet night, when you get home after dinnertime. Now, although you knew weeks ago that he would be coming this week, you would be sure to not have planned for such a visit, so that when the time came, it could be a surprise reminder.
Do not just give him your address, be sure to extend a dinner invitation. Honestly, the man is a really great man, and church leader where he lives, and a great friend to your sister. He would be a great dinner guest.
Plan to know what you are having for dinner the night before he comes, so you can go to the store while kids are in bed. But then don't. Don't go to the store, or decide what to have.
Instead, decide on an "easy" crockpot meal best cooked on low for 12 hours (pot roast). But don't decide this until there are 11 hours until dinner.
Be sure to "run" into Sam's Club after the morning school dropoffs, because it is such a not easy place to be quick at. Purchase a very large roast, and potatoes you don't really want. Think about buying the salad mix, but don't buy it. You can worry about that later. Listen to the butcher's instructions about how to tenderize the meat when you need to cook it more quickly. Be sure to get only vague instructions about how it really works. Spend lots of time contemplating dessert. Try some interesting cookies.
Don't look too carefully at the roast until you get to the car, so you can really be surprised by how big it is. Realize only then that it would be too big for your crockpot. Consider the possibilities as to whether you should cut it to fit, or whether you ought to buy a new crockpot. Decide to buy a new one at Target on the way home, but then change your mind and drive the other way. Change your mind again and make a u-turn.
While at Target, consider that your guest powder room really needs some hand towels, as opposed to the roll of paper towel on the towel rack. Think about decorative items that would look good on the shelves.
Study the crockpots very carefully before choosing one. Make sure you have read each box at least 3 times.
After completing your shopping at Target, realize that you no longer have time to go home before picking up your Pre-K child. Stop at Jewel for dry onion soup mix. Buy a real onion too. And some bananas. And if soda is on sale, go for that too. Don't forget the meat tenderizer and mallet thing. And buy some different potatoes that you like better
Get to Pre-K a little early. Early enough that you will need to find something productive to do. Surely you can do something in 6 minutes. Read the meat tenderizer package. When you find the suggestion that thick cuts should have the stuff on them 30 minutes before cooking, line the floor of your van with plastic bags, and smack that thing with your new mallet. While your two year old looks on with a mixture of horror and amusement, laugh like a mad woman. Laugh hard. You are doing it! You are living the unsimplified life! But wait, there's more!
Hurry the children home and get that roast in the new crockpot. Of course wash the new crockpot first. Then you might notice that the roast still won't fit very well. Get out your old crockpot. Cut the roast in half. Chop lots more potatoes. Get both crockpots going! Make everyone lunch, and start cleaning. Don't forget to Goo Gone the gum out of your dryer from the last load so you can wash the bedding that the two year-olds diaper leaked on last night.
Load the children back in the van to get the first grader. Rush home. Throw snacks at them. Keep cleaning. Help them put their tights on. Don't remember to put the bedding in the de-gummed dryer. Load for ballet. In a hurry. Confuse the time you are supposed to be there so you can arrive early. Realize when you are almost there that class doesn't start for 18 minutes.
Don't feed your baby during the first class as planned, or visit the nearby Tuesday Morning to look for bathroom decor. Be sure to just visit with another mom during that time. During the second child's class, rush through Tuesday Morning, and go to Jewel again...different Jewel...so you can buy ingredients for the salad you didn't purchase for earlier. Study every option of lettuce available before choosing one. Or two. Prewashed organic is always a good option. Buy some new salad dressing too. The goal is to leave as little time as possible at home to finish the list there.
Run home. Don't finish the cleaning first, but do set up the bathroom with the new purchases. And do some cleaning. At least take Clorox wipes over all possibly offensive surfaces, such as kitchen counters, bathroom sinks, floors, toilets. Be quick.
Run back to get the other child from ballet. Come back home and hurry around finishing.
Enjoy dinner. You do deserve it! You made a whole mountain range out of this molehill event. What a talent! What a production!
After the wonderful guest leaves, don't clean up right away. In fact, don't clean up anything yet. Check your email. IM your cousin-in-law/friend. Make a blog entry. You wouldn't want to do those dishes before the food is crusted on them, would you?
Be sure to have someone scheduled to come over first thing in the morning so everything has to be cleaned up again. Don't remember this until you are checking your email. Make a long list of things to do before bed, and start them at 10:55. Actually don't start that soon. Call your little brother first.
This, my friends, is a fabulous example of how to follow the seven effective habits of a highly unsimplified life.
Make these principles your own, and you too can exist in happy chaos forever!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Global Warming is a MYTH!!!!
Al Gore, take note.
When I was in high school, I would wear silk thermals under my jeans if the temperature dropped to 40 or below. Yes, I grew up in California. Yes, I am a wimp about the cold.
There was no school today in our district due to "frigid temperatures." Number One lamented that just because her mom was from California that she had to be cooped up all day and couldn't play in the snow. Um...even people not from California who could avoid the chance of hypothermia are inside today. I promise.
The feels like temperature at the moment is -32. Yes, that was a negative. And yes, that is 72 degrees colder than the temperature at which I used to think I needed thermals. As if it could get worse, the winds are blowing as well, with gusts up to 22 mph. At this level of absolute frigidity I don't need a snowsuit, I need a spacesuit. Seriously, I don't get how any portion of Alaska could be habitable year-round.
(Sarah Palin...I get why you took the nomination for Vice-President. You saw it as your ticket to come one step closer to the equator. Sorry it didn't work out for you.)
School will likely be cancelled again tomorrow for the same reason as today. The forecast for the morning includes:
6am -19°F (actual temp)
Clear -36° (feels like temp)
From W 8 mph (wind)
7am -17°F
Sunny -34°
From W 8 mph
8am -13°F
Sunny -30°F
From WSW 9 mph
Don't be fooled by the label of "sunny." You see, the sun here is actually BROKEN! It reminds me of the LED lights that give light, but don't get hot, except I thought the sun was supposed to give light AND get hot. And please disregard the actual temperature, as what really matters is how it feels. Which. Is. Life-threateningly. ARCTIC!
God bless the people who invented central heating. And the internet. (Yes you Al, at least you got something right!) And pizza delivery. And diapers.com. And peapod.com. Cause I'm not coming out until someone fixes our sun.
***PS I do know that Al Gore didn't actually claim he invented the internet.
He simply said,"During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the internet."
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Bleary But Bright Eyes
My eyes have been watering uncontrolled tears for the better part of the day.
I'm not crying.
So why the steady stream?
I'm not sure. I think it is a combination of a bit of a common cold, exposure to the freezing whipping wind outside (and I have been in and out a lot today), and the fact that I am just dang tired. As in completely exhausted.
I would love to indulge in a really great blog entry. I have so many fabulous topics in mind, but alas it will have to wait.
In the meantime, know that I am slowly but surely figuring out not only who I want to be, but how to do it.
More to come....
I'm not crying.
So why the steady stream?
I'm not sure. I think it is a combination of a bit of a common cold, exposure to the freezing whipping wind outside (and I have been in and out a lot today), and the fact that I am just dang tired. As in completely exhausted.
I would love to indulge in a really great blog entry. I have so many fabulous topics in mind, but alas it will have to wait.
In the meantime, know that I am slowly but surely figuring out not only who I want to be, but how to do it.
More to come....
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Why More is Merrier
Today I visited briefly with a friend at church about why we were so grateful to have so many children. (She has six.)
In part, it is because motherhood gets better as you get better at it.
When Number One and Number Two were toddlers, I don't think I enjoyed them as much as I should have. I think I fought too many power struggle battles. You cannot win an argument with a toddler or young preschooler. Period. Ever.
Number Three believes her teacher lives at school. Arguing, even with solid logic and reasoning, will not change that. So I don't try. In fact, I embrace this time watching her learn more and more about the world around her, even though there are bumps in her thinking along the way. I don't think I had this perspective when Number One was three.
Now my oldest child is only 8, so I don't claim to be the most experienced mom out there, but I am so grateful for what I have learned already, and how much more I am enjoying the younger children because of it. And because I see the difference in my view of toddlerhood, and how much more magical it is than I gave it credit for the first time around, I am trying to enjoy the older ones more now, because I don't want to look back and wish I had better appreciated the elementary school years.
Enjoy this glimpse into the progression of our family:
I adored Number One as a baby. She was my first. She made me a mother. I watched her sleep and never put her down, because she would cry. I was amazed at her brilliance (and I still am). I ate up every minute with her, but I was so stressed about the whole thing. Motherhood was wonderful but so very overwhelming. My poor first daughter has had to suffer the consequences of being the guinea pig of the children. I so adored her when she was all I had, and I wondered how I could ever love another child as much as her, or physically care for another one, for that matter.
And then came Number Two. And I LOVED having two little girls. Number Two made us laugh and enriched our family. She provided a friendship for Number One that runs deep, despite their opposite personalities. She challenges me, but grounds me too, and continues to help me better appreciate how the world works with her scientific curiosity.
And then came Number Three. Number Three filled our home with greater joy. She is a nurturer by nature, and so competent at watching over all of us. We needed her to take care of us, and brighten us with her sunshine and silliness.
And then Number Four stirred the pot. He added some testosterone, and a healthy dose of huge loves and playfulness. We all love to watch him think and play. He is a running, jumping, galloping delight.
And then Heavenly Father gave us Number Five, who was meant to be part of our family. I felt it at the moment when Number Four first laid eyes on her. I am still getting to know this new little person, but I know she likes to be part of our family team, and doesn't like to be alone. I love to cuddle her tight in my arms.
Sometimes I think about what it might have been like had we only had two children. Now every family is different, and for some families, two may be the right number for them. But for our family, I think it would be like having only a small portion of the piano keyboard. It would still make music, but would lack depth and expression, and some incredible harmonies.
As we have had more children, rather than feel like there is less love to go around, I feel like I have been given the measure needed for the new additions, plus an increase of appreciation and love for those I already had. (Though I do have to admit I almost wish I could grow an extra hand for each new child.)
I'm not sure yet whether five children makes a full keyboard for our family (I might have reached the maximum number of notes I can play), but I am so grateful to have been given the opportunity and responsibility for such a symphony.
And that is why more is merrier.
In part, it is because motherhood gets better as you get better at it.
When Number One and Number Two were toddlers, I don't think I enjoyed them as much as I should have. I think I fought too many power struggle battles. You cannot win an argument with a toddler or young preschooler. Period. Ever.
Number Three believes her teacher lives at school. Arguing, even with solid logic and reasoning, will not change that. So I don't try. In fact, I embrace this time watching her learn more and more about the world around her, even though there are bumps in her thinking along the way. I don't think I had this perspective when Number One was three.
Now my oldest child is only 8, so I don't claim to be the most experienced mom out there, but I am so grateful for what I have learned already, and how much more I am enjoying the younger children because of it. And because I see the difference in my view of toddlerhood, and how much more magical it is than I gave it credit for the first time around, I am trying to enjoy the older ones more now, because I don't want to look back and wish I had better appreciated the elementary school years.
Enjoy this glimpse into the progression of our family:
I adored Number One as a baby. She was my first. She made me a mother. I watched her sleep and never put her down, because she would cry. I was amazed at her brilliance (and I still am). I ate up every minute with her, but I was so stressed about the whole thing. Motherhood was wonderful but so very overwhelming. My poor first daughter has had to suffer the consequences of being the guinea pig of the children. I so adored her when she was all I had, and I wondered how I could ever love another child as much as her, or physically care for another one, for that matter.
And then came Number Two. And I LOVED having two little girls. Number Two made us laugh and enriched our family. She provided a friendship for Number One that runs deep, despite their opposite personalities. She challenges me, but grounds me too, and continues to help me better appreciate how the world works with her scientific curiosity.
And then came Number Three. Number Three filled our home with greater joy. She is a nurturer by nature, and so competent at watching over all of us. We needed her to take care of us, and brighten us with her sunshine and silliness.
And then Number Four stirred the pot. He added some testosterone, and a healthy dose of huge loves and playfulness. We all love to watch him think and play. He is a running, jumping, galloping delight.
And then Heavenly Father gave us Number Five, who was meant to be part of our family. I felt it at the moment when Number Four first laid eyes on her. I am still getting to know this new little person, but I know she likes to be part of our family team, and doesn't like to be alone. I love to cuddle her tight in my arms.
Sometimes I think about what it might have been like had we only had two children. Now every family is different, and for some families, two may be the right number for them. But for our family, I think it would be like having only a small portion of the piano keyboard. It would still make music, but would lack depth and expression, and some incredible harmonies.
As we have had more children, rather than feel like there is less love to go around, I feel like I have been given the measure needed for the new additions, plus an increase of appreciation and love for those I already had. (Though I do have to admit I almost wish I could grow an extra hand for each new child.)
I'm not sure yet whether five children makes a full keyboard for our family (I might have reached the maximum number of notes I can play), but I am so grateful to have been given the opportunity and responsibility for such a symphony.
And that is why more is merrier.
Friday, January 9, 2009
"We are men of action...
lies do not become us." Okay, name that movie!
I have been thinking lately about the importance of action, and how action gives strength to some of my favorite words.
Belief plus action equals faith.
Thankfulness plus action equals gratitude.
Wishing plus action (and believing too) equals hope.
Faith, gratitude, and hope are strong words. Charity is a strong word too. And all of them require action. Faith in Jesus Christ requires us to act in following his gospel. Gratitude requires us to give a demonstration of our thankfulness to whomever we are thankful to. Hope means we believe something is true so strongly that we act on that hope.
Sometimes I feel so frustrated in my inability to carry through with action on things that I think are important to me. I have the thought, but just can't seem to follow through with the action.
You may identify with some of my feelings.
How often has my skinny self woken us with ideas about how I will eat healthy and treat myself well, only to find that the rounder me takes over somewhere mid-afternoon?
How often have I started with such patience and love for my children in the morning, and found that tired mom really starts to try and rear her not so attractive head before we get to bedtime?
That inner struggle between the natural man and the spiritual man is so real and so frustrating. When we can't make our actions match our knowledge of what we ought to be doing, it is such a terrible feeling...to know that we have given up our agency in a way that we regret.
I am working harder to figure out how my relationship with my Savior can help me bridge this gap between knowing and doing. I continue to be reminded that I can't do it all on my own, though I am sad to admit I think I've tried. And wasn't that the point of our needing a Savior anyway? We can't do it on our own.
Our actions are important...faith without works is dead. But without taking the time to invite the Savior regularly and specifically to help me experience the change of heart I am seeking, I have found that too much of my action is wasted, as it isn't leading me where I want to be.
Here's to a new year full of action (not that my previous years lacked action)... more carefully prioritized action, better guided through a strengthened partnership with my Savior where I finally learn to better spend my time on the things that matter most, and then...let the rest go.
I have been thinking lately about the importance of action, and how action gives strength to some of my favorite words.
Belief plus action equals faith.
Thankfulness plus action equals gratitude.
Wishing plus action (and believing too) equals hope.
Faith, gratitude, and hope are strong words. Charity is a strong word too. And all of them require action. Faith in Jesus Christ requires us to act in following his gospel. Gratitude requires us to give a demonstration of our thankfulness to whomever we are thankful to. Hope means we believe something is true so strongly that we act on that hope.
Sometimes I feel so frustrated in my inability to carry through with action on things that I think are important to me. I have the thought, but just can't seem to follow through with the action.
You may identify with some of my feelings.
How often has my skinny self woken us with ideas about how I will eat healthy and treat myself well, only to find that the rounder me takes over somewhere mid-afternoon?
How often have I started with such patience and love for my children in the morning, and found that tired mom really starts to try and rear her not so attractive head before we get to bedtime?
That inner struggle between the natural man and the spiritual man is so real and so frustrating. When we can't make our actions match our knowledge of what we ought to be doing, it is such a terrible feeling...to know that we have given up our agency in a way that we regret.
I am working harder to figure out how my relationship with my Savior can help me bridge this gap between knowing and doing. I continue to be reminded that I can't do it all on my own, though I am sad to admit I think I've tried. And wasn't that the point of our needing a Savior anyway? We can't do it on our own.
Our actions are important...faith without works is dead. But without taking the time to invite the Savior regularly and specifically to help me experience the change of heart I am seeking, I have found that too much of my action is wasted, as it isn't leading me where I want to be.
Here's to a new year full of action (not that my previous years lacked action)... more carefully prioritized action, better guided through a strengthened partnership with my Savior where I finally learn to better spend my time on the things that matter most, and then...let the rest go.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Out of the mouth of one of my babes...
Monday night I was bathing the three little kids. I mentioned how I would love to soak in the bath at that moment. I have been doing fairly well at the gym and have the sore muscles to prove it.
Number Three informed me that I could not take a bath in the kids' bathroom...because I would break the bathtub. I just had to use my own bathroom (which has a shower but no tub).
I let her in on a little secret that Friday night, I had, in fact, taken a bath in her bathtub, and that it was great.
"No, Mommy. If you had taken a bath in my bathtub, when I woke up and came in here it would be broke." She looked me square in the eye, and then spoke with great emphasis, "Trust me."
Nothing like a kid to boost your self-image, right? I love this girl, and couldn't help but laugh, which of course, insulted her. But who could resist such a sparkling little darling?
Number Three informed me that I could not take a bath in the kids' bathroom...because I would break the bathtub. I just had to use my own bathroom (which has a shower but no tub).
I let her in on a little secret that Friday night, I had, in fact, taken a bath in her bathtub, and that it was great.
"No, Mommy. If you had taken a bath in my bathtub, when I woke up and came in here it would be broke." She looked me square in the eye, and then spoke with great emphasis, "Trust me."
Nothing like a kid to boost your self-image, right? I love this girl, and couldn't help but laugh, which of course, insulted her. But who could resist such a sparkling little darling?
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