To Love Another Person is to See the Face of God

Les Miserable is my favorite Broadway show of all time. I am not a crier by nature, for movies, or shows, or generally even things of a spiritual nature.


However, I have never been able to keep from tearing up at the end of the show when I hear the words, "To love another person is to see the face of God."






Enjoy some pictures of the faces I love most...these faces who help me to see the face of God in my everyday existence.








The last couple of days I have felt a greater sense of hope, because of love. Love is a gift of the spirit, and I have been lucky enough to feel an increase in love for these amazing and fabulous people who I get to live with.

In October Dave and I will reach 10 years of marriage. I love him more now than I did then. Honestly, sometimes I look at our wedding pictures and wonder who let me get married so young...I look SO YOUNG! (Well, my mother did try not to let me...)

But I remember feeling so strongly that it was the right thing for Dave and I to get married, and we did. And I have never regretted that choice. Not even for a day, or a part of a day. We have had a couple of rough patches, especially right before law school, but I would rather be going through them with him than with anyone else. And I am grateful to not be going it alone.

Dave is the only person I know that really knows me, and loves me anyway. I have so enjoyed watching him find greater and greater successes throughout our married life, as a husband and father, and in his career. He has so much talent, and over time, continues to realize more and more of it.

And these children of ours...they are incredible. They are intelligent, and creative, and fun, and full of life. Yes, they are a lot of work, but there are great rewards already, with even greater rewards (and work, I know) to come.

So, with the help of my Father in Heaven (and chocolate, and a little bit of higher quality sleep), I am coping better today. And even yesterday (with the exception of a potty training mishap that caused me to lose it), was a better day.

Which gives me hope for the next 26 or so days before I have another face to love.

Could a Backpack Make Me Happy?

I am way grumpy today. Have been all day.

Probably the biggest contributing factors are that our kids have been up past bedtime the last four nights (me too) and that I am constantly uncomfortable. Thursday night was the urine run night, Friday was a fun church activity (really was super fun, actually, and we brought two friends along which made it even more fun), Saturday night we took the kids swimming, since they have been dying to show off new tricks for Dave, and last night we had company.

Actually, yesterday we brought our baby-sitter home from church to hang out with us since she was in town (last November her parents tortured our family by moving her THREE hours away). I would ADOPT that girl if her mom would let me. Seriously, she is top-notch, highest quality, as a person, a friend, and a baby-sitter. We kept her until just after 9:30...super fun, but...yes, kids were pretty touchy today, and justified in being like that.

Saturday we also took them to a huge work picnic for Dave's firm, plus the two older girls went with me to a baptism. And yesterday, besides our baby-sitter visitor, we hosted a couple and their baby for dinner, and Dave had a church meeting at our home at 8:30. The father of this couple is a law student with one year left at the school Dave graduated from. Their family is trying to choose a suburb to settle in next year when he graduates, and they wanted the scoop on our area.

The wife told me I seemed like such a super mom while she was here. If she only knew...LOL!!!

So here I am, grumpy SuperMom, posting on my blog truly for the purpose of mentioning this other blog, found here. This mom of 10 is doing a contest to win a Lands End backpack, and I want to win. Why? Cause I like new bags, and think this one with lots of pockets would be fun as a new diaper bag, or even a new church bag. I clearly don't need it, but maybe winning a backpack could cheer me up a little...and I have always wanted to try a bag from Lands End, though I'm not sure why.

But just in case I don't win, I am going to eat a brownie sundae while reading my scriptures (and maybe a little more Pride and Prejudice) before bed. I'm out of Twix bars.

Purpose in Trials

So, I have been more and more open to acknowledging my boughts with pre-partum depression as I have had more children.

Last night was particularly difficult. I had a child with health concerns, and had to fit in a last minute doctor's appointment (with all four in tow of course) at 6:45. The doctor's office was running very behind. We had to have a potty party with three of the four in order to capture a urine sample. I was exhausted before we started, but worked very very hard to keep the children happy during our long wait...reading and singing to them, and trying to keep them from pulling all of the sterile equipment and supplies out of the drawers in the exam room as the clock continued around and we waited on the doctor.

We didn't make it out of there until past 8 (at which time the children are usually in bed). And of course, we still had a prescription to have filled, and we had to take the urine sample across town to the hospital to be cultured immediately. Having had no time for dinner for myself, I wasn't feeling up to the tasks, but moms are powerful people, so I pressed on.

With the exception of some ER parking near the front (which was full, of course), all of the hospital parking is in two garages. Rather than risk being towed, I drove past of all of the empty reserved physician parking spaces to the second floor, where I unloaded the children for the trek to outpatient services. Because I have so well trained my children about bedtime and routines (which generally works well to my advantage), Number Three was asleep, and Number Four was almost out. I carried them both, with the urine, of course, while comforting Number Two who was a little freaked out to be in a dark parking garage.

After what seemed like a much longer walk than it might have had I been alone, we found the lab...where we were informed that since this child had never been seen at the hospital, we would need to visit registration. Of course.

By then Number Three was awake enough to be heavily distracted by the fish tank, the waterfall, and arguing with Number Two about where to sit. I kept hold of Number Four, sometimes against his will, because I couldn't be off chasing him while filling out registration forms and refereeing the two middle children.

Finally, we were done. Number Three came along crying back to the parking garage because we hadn't stopped to play at the kid waiting area of the ER.

After a second trip to Walgreens to pick up the prescription we had dropped off before the hospital run (which hadn't been flavored as it should have been, causing us to wait longer), we made it home.

I had done scripture, song, and prayers (our standard bedtime devotional) in the car with the kids. We recited our family scripture and discussed it since I couldn't read and drive (I do keep spare scriptures in the glove compartment). I wanted us to go home straight to bed and figured that multi-tasking at that point would be our best bet. Plus, it helped me to have the extra strength I needed to make it home with all my composure.

I did well being patient and positive with the kids, until Number Three slipped in the bathroom and bonked pretty hard. I cried with her as I rocked her. And cried some more (silently, of course) as I sat by her bedside and held her hand while she fell asleep.

Now, please know I don't share this with you all so you can feel badly for me, or feel like you need to save me in some way.

I share it because despite the sadness I still feel, I found a blessing amongst the heartache that has helped me to feel patient in waiting to have this baby.

I prayed silently by my daughter's bedside, expressing my frustration and sadness, and the feeling of being alone that I had. I did my best to keep my crying silent, and fortuneately, the combination of the fan and the music muffled the sound so my litle ones weren't disturbed.

I am not good at asking for help, and honestly, I don't even like to accept it most of the time anyway. I know this feeling of aloneness could be alleviated if I had a different personality, but I am fiercely independent. This allows me to accomplish a lot, but it can be painful too. And when I do reach out for help, if the request isn't warmly received, I find myself withdrawing back to independence immediately, especially in late pregnancy.

Anyway, last night I sat pondering why I always struggle so much right before I have a new baby. And then the answer came: Each of our precious children has come to us straight from the presence of our Father in Heaven. He created their spirits, and they are His children, literally. And as a result of my deep sadness in late pregnancy each time I have reached out to that loving Heavenly Father. A lot. I have prayed more fervently. I have read my scriptures more diligently. I have depended on Him more, and looked to Him more for support and guidance.

I have strengthened our partnership at these times when I needed to be preparing to receive another one of His children, and because of it, I have been more ready to be the mother of yet another precious child. My skills as a mother and homemaker have continued to increase over the years. Honestly, my house is cleaner now than it was when I had just one child. And I am a better mom than I was when I started.

Our family scripture is found in the Doctrine and Covenants:***

"If your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you. And that body which is filled with light, comprehendeth all things" (Doctrine and Covenants, 88:67). (I may be off on the punctuation...I didn't look it up.)

Though I still consider this a time of struggle, I have found renewed hope in knowing that as I have tried harder to have my eye single to His glory, I have been able to dispel more of the darkness, and find greater understanding.

And as I look back, I realize I have also been able to have many of the insights I have needed along the way (and surely will continue to need) as to why my children are acting in a particular way, and how I can best respond to their needs.

This morning, I found joy in playing with my darling children. I still feel that lingering sadness, but I am grateful to have found purpose in this trial, and a realization that it is helping me to better live and experience the truth of our family scripture.

And I might be even more grateful to know that pregnancy is terminal!!!

And if you made it to the end of what I am sure was a VERY long exposition...congratulations. Be sure to get up now, stretch your legs, and go get some water.

Meanwhile, I am back to focusing on the cute kids, who are creatively assembling paper crowns and wings for themselves and their stuffed animal friends (except for the Number Four, who is just waking up from his nap)...

PS...Just to let you know that I am still very human, even in my quest to be more like my Savior...I did find additional comfort by eating a Twix bar for dinner, curled up reading Pride and Prejudice, while waiting for a load of laundry in the basement before going to bed last night.

***The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints uses the following books of scripture:

1. King James Version Bible, both Old Testament and New Testament
2. The Book of Mormon (Translated by Joseph Smith by the gift and power of God, this is a record written by prophets in the Americas, which we use as a companion to the Bible, a record written by prophets in and near Jerusalem. It stands as another testament of Jesus Christ.)
3. The Doctrine and Covenants (a collection of modern day revelations, mainly received by the Prophet Joseph Smith)
4. The Pearl of Great Price (very short book comprised of some additional writings of ancient prophets translated by Joseph Smith)

A Little Spa Pampering for the Daughters...

This morning as I brushed out Number One's hair to get ready to go to the store, she was about in tears again. We use conditioner, always shampoo and condition after swimming, and brush it regularly, but with all of the swimming, and her wild sleeping on it, it has been more tangly than usual.

So...we made an excursion en route to the store.



Number One Before



Number One After



Number Two Before



Number Two After



Number Three Before



Number Three After

Note from the Mommy: I do like medium to longer length hair better, but try to allow my girls the chance to pick their own lengths. (Why? Because my mom never let me when I was younger and I still bear the emotional scars...okay, emotional scars is going too far, but I do remember wanting something other than long straight blunt cut hair with no bangs on many occasions which I was universally denied.)

Anyway, they didn't all choose what I might have chosen, but they sure felt beautiful when we walked out. Seriously, they were on the catwalk. So, money and time well spent. And for those whose hair I might have kept longer? It will grow. And fortuneately, my children are beautiful and still look beautiful in any hairstyle! (I did say it was a Note from the Mommy, which means I can be proud if I want to. :)

Now off to swim!

Good thing I paid the extra for the two older ones to have the shampoo treatment. Nothing like being a woman of leisure, even if you are under the age of 8.

PS Just as a quick update...I am nesting like crazy, and still grumpy, but fortuneately this baby did move her head a bit so it isn't quite so bad when I walk. Not great, but much improved.

Clarification on Upcoming Spa Retreat

This week has been tough. Our little darling to be has wedged her head against my pelvic bone. My BH contractions have intensified, and those pains now radiate down my lower back. I am swollen. It hurts to walk. I have trouble sleeping. My hips ache. Number Four has decided it is now fun to get up with the sun. (It's not...though we are so grateful for farmers, we are NOT the farming type.)

We swim a lot, and this week Number Three and Number Four have become increasingly more difficult to keep up with. Number Four used to love to sit in his floatie thing. Number Three liked to sit at the side of the pool. Now they both want to jump at me constantly, and have my full and undivided attention. It is a workout, to say the least, especially because the older two usually want to stay about 3 hours AFTER swim lessons are over.

And it is still five weeks until I am due.

So...the Upcoming Spa Retreat is coming, but it isn't as imminent as I may have alluded to. However, all things considered, it is my happy place right now so I revel in the thought.

Upcoming Spa Retreat

I am going to spend 48 hours being pampered, and I can hardly wait.

Dave will be in charge of our cute kids. I will lay in bed most of the day, as will be expected. If I push my call button...someone will come fill my water bottle, or hand me my phone, or give me some pain pills...whatever I need.

If I decide to shower, I will have a whole roomful of baby-sitters, with very advanced baby training to watch over our little one.

If I want to read or watch TV...I get to choose the book or the show. If I want to talk on the phone, I can do so without interruption.

If I get hungry, I can call for room service. If I want to order three desserts, I can and will, and won't have to explain myself to my children. I will get to eat the hot food hot, and the cold food cold, and then I can send the dirty dishes away for someone else to do.

This spa will supply clothing for me if I choose to use it, which they will also launder.

During my stay, I will have a precious new baby to cuddle with, sent straight from the presence of our Heavenly Father. I will get to spend some time just relaxing with her, and getting to know her a little bit.

Honestly, medical care aside, I can't fathom why someone would choose a homebirth over a hospital spa retreat?!?

It just can't come soon enough.

The BIG TRIP: Part 4

Okay, I know I skipped Part Three...it entails swimming and having a barbeque with Dave's side of the family. Lots more pictures to choose from, and I am short on time...so I skipped ahead for now.


Here are our darling children at Arctic Circle in Pleasant Grove, Utah. We have pictures of our kids on this slide when there was just Number One, after Number Two, and even on a visit with my brother's kids after Number Three. So, fitting that we should now have this one.

We made an outing with the family to BYU to show off our old stomping grounds to the kids. On the way, we stopped in American Fork to drive by our first home (meaning, the first one we owned) and to visit the Little Things Mean a Lot store for a baptism dress for Number One and a blessing dress for Number five. We succeeded on the big girl dress, but I balked on the baby dress, when the only one I really loved was nearly $300.

In Provo, we visited the BYU Bookstore, picking up delightful souvenirs, and drove around to a few memorable locations...like the apartment I lived in where Dave proposed to me. And our first married apartment (which was a little larger than a shoebox).

We were able to glimpse through the window and see that the couch we left WAS STILL THERE as well as the bedroom curtains I had picked out and loved, and been sad to leave even though there wasn't a place for them in our move. (We lived in a converted basement apartment, and they were cafe windows).

Some of the many highlights of this apartment, were:

1. the fact that the bedroom was so small, that if you had a queen size bed, it took the whole room, and you couldn't have a bathroom door, as there wasn't enough space to open it. Suffice it to say we overcame any newlywed modesty quickly by necessity!

2. the bathroom was so small that you could use the restroom and brush your teeth at the same time!

3. the plumbing on this old home was so poorly rigged for apartment living, that if our landlord drained the sink from doing his dishes (he lived upstairs) at the same time we flushed our toilet, then our shower would gurgle up his nasty sink water.

Ahhh, the memories.

Anyway, we took our camera, but in all our travels, we only remembered to take this one picture to represent the outing. Enjoy!

Creative Number Three

Number Three is getting more and more creative with her versions of the truth. It is so empowering to learn that you can say something that isn't true if it better serves your purpose! (Though more empowering to learn about the importance of telling the truth even when you could choose otherwise...at least that is what I am working on teaching here).

Back to today, when Number Three hit Number Two. Yes, she was in some way provoked, but clearly not justified on any level. Accordingly, I told her she had to tell Number Two sorry.

Her response?

"I can't because my lip is broken."

Likely story.

The BIG TRIP: Part 2

In part two of our travels, we visited Temple Square in Salt Lake City, Utah, including the Conference Center, Tabernacle, and the temple grounds. (Pictures above are from the outside of the Conference Center.)


For many years, the church held its semi-annual General Conference in the Tabernacle (home of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir--see picture right above for the inside of the Tabernacle). However, a few years ago they built a BEAUTIFUL conference center building so that more people could attend conference, as well as other church and cultural events held there throughout the year.


General Conference is held the first weekend in October and the first weekend in April. There are five sessions, three on Saturday, and two on Sunday. In many locations it is broadcast on cable or satellite, but it can also be watched online, or at most church buildings. (Picture from the outside of the Conference Center.)


We have a prophet, as well as twelve apostles, that lead our church, modeled after the way Christ set up his ministry when he was on the earth. I love conference, because it gives us a great opportunity to hear the words of the prophet, the apostles, and other church leaders (including female auxiliary leadership too). It was great for the kids to get to see the Conference Center, so that when we watch conference again in October, they will feel a greater connection to the place it is being broadcast from. (See picture above for the auditorium part of the Conference Center where General Conference is now held.)



I don't have any pictures of one of my favorite rooms in the Conference Center, but it is a room filled with a series of 12 paintings that depict scenes from the Book of Mormon. The paintings are amazing, as well as the sacred feeling in the room. (The pictures above are taken from the rooftop.)



The Conference Center grounds are also amazing. There is a beautiful waterfull that cascades down one side, and a huge rooftop area with plants, flowers, benches, and a gorgeous view. (More pictures from up on the Conference Center...I love that the temple is right across the street, and just so beautiful.)


This statue depicts a visit Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery received from John the Baptist in order that he might receive the Aaronic Priesthood.


This statue is similar, but depicts Joseph receiving the Melchezidek Priesthood from Peter, James, and John. We believe that the priesthood is the authority to act in God's name, and that this authority was lost sometime after Jesus' apostles were killed or died. We also believe that it is necessary to have the priesthood in order to organize Jesus' church on the earth, and to perform ordinances such as the sacrament and baptism. Joseph Smith was called to be a prophet of God and restore Jesus' church, and needed the priesthood in order to do what he was asked to do. Thus, visits from those Biblical men who held the keys and could give Joseph the priesthood by the laying on of hands.


The temple is beautiful. My grandparents were married in this temple nearly 70 years ago. In temples people are married not for just this life, but for time and all eternity by those who have the priesthood authority to do so. Dave and I were married in the Oakland Temple. Currently, there are 140 temples across the world that are either operational, or that have been announced and are in process of being built.


We had a really great time as a family making this little visit. The kids were amazed by the beauty of the architecture, the landscape, and especially the water fountains and waterfall. (Water fountain at Temple Square...that building behind us is the temple.)


We enjoyed the walk around and the time spent together. It was really a very rewarding outing for us. (Another rooftop Conference Center picture.)

The BIG TRIP: Part 1

Fun at a rest stop.


Iowa has the best rest stops on I-80. Nebraska...not so much. Think Fred Flintstone.






And enjoy our slumbering children...we sure did. Except poor Number Four would wake up about every 30-45 minutes needing his blanket fixed along with kind words and soothing pats on the leg. That got old quickly. Especially when we arrived between 2 and 3 AM most nights of our travel.

Stay tuned...I have TONS OF PICTURES, not just from the trip, but since April, that are finally downloaded and ready to post. More to come...

And Happy Fourth of July!!!

(PS For all you car seat safety buffs...Soon after this picture we realized that Number One's booster needed to be adjusted for her growth. She had pulled the seat belt out of its guide to make it more comfortable, as she was really too tall for the setting it was on. That situation is all rectified now. Also, I know it is best to leave children rear facing as long as possible. Number Four was rear facing up until the trip, but was turned around just for the purpose of the trip so he might be more pleasant in the travel. At least we are in a big old Suburban, and there is great protection just being in that hulk of a vehicle.)

What kind of a wife (or husband) are you?

107 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Superior Take the test!

I don't really sew or darn, and I also don't wear curlers to bed. Have fun with this!

Recovery

Well, we are just about recovered. The kids were pretty much on California time when we returned, which, on top of a later summer bedtime wasn't working for me.

Suitcases have been long since unpacked. And today I tackled the mountain of mail and reclaimed my dining room.

Friday we started our M-F summer routine. I am up and walking at 6. Before 8 I have walked, made my bed, prayed, read scriptures, made Dave's lunch, showered and dressed.

By 8 or 8:30 the kids are getting up and ready (all dressed, teeth and hair brushed, beds made, morning prayers, and breakfast).

By 9 or 9:15 we are done with breakfast, including unloading the dishwasher and loading in the breakfast dishes.

We do some morning chores, which vary day by day, and go outside to play and ride bikes around our court.

From 10-11 we have our summer homeschool. So far we have learned about having a house of order (including a planning meeting), appaloosa horses, and how milk comes from dairy farms to the grocery store. We have also worked on reading and math each day, and included a snack and book time. I let the kids give me ideas of things they were interested in learning about, and with the help of the internet, I am becoming knowledgeable enough about those topics to teach them.

During Number Four's nap we do some projects, and have some free time. Then lunch, and either swimming or errands, or another activity. The rest of the day is more laid back. We eat dinner between 5 and 6 or so, and the kids are down by about 8.

I have actually been printing off a daily schedule, which helps us to stay focused. It is funny to watch Number One be flustered when we aren't quite on schedule.

We have only done three days this way, but everyone is so much happier. There is much less TV. Things are getting done...both fun summer things, housework things, and learning things. Everyone is getting used to the routine, and I feel good about how we are spending our time.

This scheduling was really not only to benefit the kids, but to help me. This is the time in my pregnancies when the pre-partum depression sets in. The morning walk is vital to helping combat that, as well as a feeling of progress and control in our family.

And now that I am better caught up on things...I can fill in the details of our grand adventure!