Lessons on Marriage

In our church, one Sunday per month (almost always the first one) is set aside for fast and testimony meeting. Our services are three hours long, with the first one hour and ten minutes set aside for family worship in sacrament meeting. In this meeting all members and children stay together. We sing hymns, open and close with prayer, partake of the sacrament, and listen to members of the congregation share gospel teachings. Generally, these members are assigned to speak by the Bishop or his counselors (the Bishop is like the priest or pastor, although we do not have a paid ministry).

Anyway, on fast and testimony Sunday, there are no assigned speakers. Those who feel inclined to share their testimony of Jesus Christ and his gospel can choose to come forward at will. We are also encouraged to come fasting that day (adults and older children only, and not those who are pregnant or nursing or who have other health issues). I really love these meetings, because there is a great feeling of peace and of the spirit when people are sharing their love for their Savior publicly because they want to.

Today I felt overwhelmed with gratitude for the blessings I have received recently. I didn't get a chance to share my feelings of gratitude, or my living faith in my Savior, and so I wanted to record some recent experiences here instead.

I reflected today as I looked way down the bench past four little children to my husband, that though these children have brought us together in some ways, that often they divide us as well, just as they were doing on the bench at church.

But this fifth one has really brought us together again in a way I never imagined. I had no idea how much I needed Dave's paternity leave...how much our marriage needed it. I am such an independent soul. The past few years Dave's schooling and career have taken him out of the home more and more. And I just move on. I am grateful that he supports us, and don't resent him being gone, but I have just learned to do it all on my own, and expect very little from him apart from a paycheck. I haven't left him out on purpose, but I see now that I didn't make enough of an effort to keep him unified with me, and our family, and he hasn't made the necessary effort either. Honestly, I don't think either of us realized just what was missing.

If you would have asked me earlier this year if I were happily married, I would have honestly answered yes. But now in retrospect, I see that our marriage needed to be strengthened, and am so grateful that this new baby has made that so clear, and offered help on how to do it.

Before the paternity leave, Dave was so out of the loop as to real daily life in our home. In generations past, this was the norm, but I know there is a better way.

The bottom line, is that we love those whom we serve, and are usually loved by them in return. And Dave needed to experience daily service in our family. Physical service...changing diapers, taking children to school, planning some meals, taking over for me while I napped because I was so sick with mastitis. I needed to feel loved by him through service. He needed to feel closer to our family.

For the first time in a long long time, I really couldn't do it all by myself and needed him. And he needed to be needed.

I am so grateful to a loving Father in Heaven who provided me with the experiences, and insights and understanding to be able to see more clearly what I need to do to build my marriage and family.

I know that families are important to our Heavenly Father. The family is the building block of the church, and of society, and so much of what is wrong with society today can be directly traced to the crumbling of the family.

I know that Jesus Christ is real. He loves us. He set a perfect example. He served and loved so well during his earthly ministry, and invites us to do the same. He taught about forgiveness, faith, obedience, prayer, baptism, the spirit, repentance. And I know that real and lasting peace, joy, and happiness come from living those teachings to the best of our ability.

That two weeks of paternity leave was busy and flew by, and I just pray that we can hold onto the huge boost we received in our marriage as a direct result. For now, we are making it a goal to remember to pray more frequently as a couple. We do a superb job with family prayers, but need to do more praying with each other, sans children.

Dave went back to work on Tuesday, but he has been so much more helpful this week when he has been home. I can see him trying harder to be involved with our family, and I am thrilled and enjoy it. I am learning how to let him help more, and how to encourage him to stay involved.

I feel very blessed and deeply happier than I have in quite some time.

Now off to find that husband for a little one on one before my bedtime while the kids are quiet.