The Anticipation

I have to admit...I am really nervous about tomorrow.

At first I thought I was having a girl. Number Three has been convinced the baby was a girl from day one, and she has already chosen the name. In her mind, there are NO other possible alternatives.

But recently, I have begun to think this baby is a boy.

With Number One I always knew she was a girl. With Number Two, I was sure she was a boy. So sure, in fact, that when the ultrasound tech got "the shot" and said, "Well, it doesn't get any clearer than that." I was silent. I kept thinking, "But I don't see the penis...what am I missing?" It literally didn't occur to me that I could be wrong.

Finally, after an uncomfortable and long silence, the tech hesitantly said, "Congratulations on another girl." And I said, "OH! That's why I didn't see it." Brilliant moment for me.

I don't think I had feelings either way with Number Three. My confidence had been so devastated. And with Number Four, I suspected a boy.

This time, I think I have been afraid to guess. Some days I think a sixth would be in the cards for our family. But other days, I really think five might just be our number. And if it is, I feel a certain sadness in coming to the end of having these glorious little spirits who invade our home, our lives, our bank account, our patience, our personal space, our emotions, and quite frankly, our EVERYTHING, but who give me the chance to experience the divinity of motherhood.

I am clearly imperfect, but I am a mother who knows. I know that there is nothing more important that I will do in this life than to serve the Lord, honor my marriage, and raise children who know the gospel of Jesus Christ and are prepared to make the world a better place because of their influence for good.

I adore my kids. I have to admit that for me...children are addictive. Which brings me to my nervousness about tomorrow. I would love both another son AND another daughter (of course still not guaranteed even if we do have a sixth). And that might not be the Lord's will for our family. I might only get one of them. And tomorrow I find out which one.

Stay tuned!

Countdown to the BIG REVEAL!

So with this being our fifth baby, and seeing as how we now have accomplished producing both genders, I thought it would be fun to wait until delivery to see whether this baby was a boy or a girl.

I was woefully outvoted by the family.

So, on April Fool's Day we will be making our way to visit the ultrasound tech to check on this baby's growth and development, including gender.


We should be home sometime around lunch, and I will post then. In the meantime, please vote in my poll, and guess whether Dave and Number One will get their preference, or whether Number Two and Number Three will get theirs. Number Four hasn't expressed himself yet, but I would guess he is on the side of Team Blue.


As for me...I had this secretly deranged hope that this pregnancy would produce twins, one boy and one girl. I would honestly like one more of each. However, I believe in family planning one at a time, and am not yet sure whether there will be a sixth child. If I had happened to have boy and girl twins this round, it would all be decided for us without Dave and I having to work through the decision whether or not to have more. In that way, it would have simplified things.

However, that would have left me with six children under the age of eight, including four under the age of three...so probably best for all of us that this is another single pregnancy.

Happy voting!!!

Tender Mercies

Nearly three years ago Elder David A. Bednar, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, gave a fabulous talk about the tender mercies of the Lord. It struck a cord with many people, myself included, who since then I think have taken more opportunities to see the hand of the Lord blessing our lives, even when there are difficulties...in fact, maybe especially when there are difficulties.

Yesterday I woke up feeling not so great. Sometimes in my pregnancies I have these days where my legs just ache really bad. This was one of them. They hurt no matter what I do, but it gets worse the more I stand. Unfortuneately, I had to do shopping in the morning at Sam's Club, and then take Number Three to parent/tot gymnastics. After we picked up Number Two from school, I needed to finish some shopping at Target.

Lots of standing and walking. Not enough food. Not enough sleep. By the time we left Target the kids were cranky. Number Four needed a nap. They all needed lunch. (This is why I don't generally run errands after Number Two's school.) I felt really really awful.

And the van wouldn't start. I didn't think it was the battery, because the music and lights came right on. I felt devastated and wanted to just cry.

And then...a true tender mercy...a friend of mine who is the most SUPER volunteer mom at our elementary school pulled up in her empty van next to me. She didn't have cables, and neither did I, and because the the kids were losing it (and so was I), she just offered to take me home. She helped me load my groceries from Sam's and Target. We moved the carseats and children. And when I got home, she even helped unload the groceries...which was a rare treat. I generally do it all on my own.

So even though today I got to squish four car seats/boosters into our Jeep and figure out how to get the van taken care of (turns out it WAS the battery), I can't help but feel grateful. I marvel how it is that my friend would show up at that moment.

And today, when I went back fully intending to try to jump the van on my own in the snow while the kids sat in the Jeep, a man volunteered to help me. I could have done it on my own, but it was nice to have help...especially when we determined that due to someone parked near the van that it would be easier to push it across to another parking spot to jump it...which wouldn't have been a great idea for a lone pregnant woman with four little kids waiting in her other car.

I can be a hard person to express love to. My best love language is Acts of Service but I am fiercely independent and I very very rarely reveal or express my needs to be served. But I am grateful that sometimes the Lord orchestrates such opportunities as a car that won't start in order for me to feel of His love and service, and tender mercies on my behalf. And in this case, I think it is exactly what I needed.

If I Only Lived in London...

It has been almost 10 years since I studied abroad in London. It was a great blessing to be able to go (even though I missed Dave terribly, as it was during our engagement), and I grew to LOVE the place very quickly. London is just simply magical.

Over the years I have encouraged Dave to consider living there...if he were a barrister, he could even wear a wig as part of his almost daily attire! But alas, I don't think he will ever be persuaded to do more than visit someday in the distant (post student-loans) future.


If I only lived in London, I might even be given the opportunity to feel graceful during this pregnancy...and if not, I might at least find myself highly amused watching others try.

I Want to Be Big Too!

So, our little Number Four is getting bigger and bigger. These pictures are pre-haircut (I will get those up soon)...he looks even older now.

I find it funny how different he is than the girls, even at this young age. He has NO interest in stuffed animals or Barbie type toys. He LOVES to sit and roll a ball back and forth. He LOVES to stack things, and load and unload (dishwasher anyone?). Anything balls, truck, or electronics, growls or wrestling, and he is in.

Number Two got an easel for Christmas. Somehow, it has semi-permanently been living in the living room where Santa first left it. Why Santa doesn't leave a map for where the new gifts ought to go, I'll never know. Number Two loves to keep bathroom cups at the easel. We have stashed her paints out of reach, but she loves to leave the markers lined up. Number Four has decided that he too is a budding cup arranger and marker arteest. (Is there a more sophisticated spelling to communicate this pronunciation?)


I've been caught!


Run away! Run away! (and please excuse the first trimester piles on my sideboard).


The coast is clear. Back to work.


I LOVE it when my sisters go to school. This is so much fun!


Hmmm...this part looks really fun too!


I bet if I just stretch...I might be able to play with those color things.


Mom, that was so awesome! I even made colors on my hands.

Isn't there anything else besides sickness going on in your house?!?!

Um...yes. Number Four also cut his one year molars (all four of them) very recently. Does that count?

I met with Number Two's teacher for conferences this week. Her teacher told me she was very smart, very creative, and well-liked by the other children. But just don't upset her or then you are really in trouble. Pretty accurate description! She showed me some of Number Two's work that I hadn't seen yet. She really has done so well this year. I am SO glad she had this extra time before kindergarten. She is such a great kid.

As far as the sickness goes (since I am sure you are all so curious)...

Yesterday morning Number Two and I both started the drops for pink eye. (Family total now at FIVE in the house with pink eye...everyone but Dave who clearly has had the least exposure.) Today my eyes have stopped the constant gunking, which is nice, but I am still wearing my glasses, which is not.

Dave is also pretty sick with a bad cold. Number One and Number Three are in good shape. Number Two is still sniffly. I feel very wiped out, even after a pretty good night of sleep, and I fear my cold may linger forever (as they usually do when I am pregnant). Number Four is still grumpy with a yucky nose.

On a brighter note, enjoy the following example of Number Two's awesome creativity:


She was so pleased with her tray of play-doh creations.


Here is the closer look.


Number Three also had a lot of fun.

As you can see, she is still more in the mash and crumble phase of play-doh exploration.

Update Germ Central...

So, I found some great graphics of nasty looking germs, but then decided maybe sometimes no picture is better than a gross one.

Fortuneately, I am feeling pretty darn good emotionally, which is more than half the battle sometimes.

Physically this week though...

Number One was home from school Monday with a headache and low-grade fever. She was home half of Wednesday and Thursday for pink eye. She was happy to escape the germ fest and go back to school today.

Number Two didn't feel well yesterday and stayed home from school. Just before dinner she got a bad stomachache, and spiked a fever of 103 not much later. She was feeling better at 1:30 AM when I fed her some cereal and more tylenol. Currently, she is coughing and sniffling, and still feels pretty sick.

Number Three is on the mend. She hasn't slept well this week, and has been pretty grumpy as a result. Her eyes and ears don't seem to be bothering her as much, though her nose still has issues.

Number Four's eyes are looking better after almost 2 days of eye drops. His have taken the longest to seem to be responding to the drops. His nose is still full of green nasties.

And I took some tylenol last night after feeling a different type of sick to my stomach and dizzy and cold. A bit later when I took my temperature, just for kicks, when I was taking Number Two's, it was about 101. I had a bowl of cereal in the night with Number Two, except mine didn't stay down for more than 15 minutes. As an additional side effect of this week, I have washed my poor hands so much that they have cracked and bled. Really makes a girl feel lovely, you know?

I emailed Dave and told him he might as well stay at the office rather than come home to a house full of germs.

He did come home, but not till late, and slept on the couch. Wise choice I think. He has a lot going on at work right now, and really needs to stay as well as possible.

Congratulations if you are still reading this long and depressing post. I don't journal so well as I once did, and keep this blog for our family record too, so I thought I ought to record the fun events of this week here for our memory. I know it sounds bad, but really, we are hanging in there just fine. This too shall pass.


And as a final thought...sometimes I think the Lord allows us to be a small part of other people's trials in order to put our own in perspective. A cousin of Dave's, who is his same age, is going through some serious health issues in their family. Her faith, and her husband's have really inspired me. I don't know them well, but we continue to pray for them, and I continue to be amazed by their strength. For those of you that believe in the power of prayer, I would invite you to keep Mandy and Travis and their four darling children in your prayers as Travis faces cancer treatments.

Sure makes a little pink eye and fever seem like not that big of a deal.