Call it what you will.
When you live a lifetime's worth of adventures before you hit 30, I think it not only NOT SURPRISING, but maybe even EXPECTED to come to the mid-life crisis early.
It isn't that I'm not sure I got what I wanted. How could I not absolutely adore every scrumptious, adoring, and even challenging portion of life with the darlings in this family, including the amazing guy I lucked myself into marrying 10 years ago?
But the real question on my mind is:
Am I who I wanted to be?
I'm not sure.
When you live a lifetime's worth of adventures before you hit 30, I think it not only NOT SURPRISING, but maybe even EXPECTED to come to the mid-life crisis early.
It isn't that I'm not sure I got what I wanted. How could I not absolutely adore every scrumptious, adoring, and even challenging portion of life with the darlings in this family, including the amazing guy I lucked myself into marrying 10 years ago?
But the real question on my mind is:
Am I who I wanted to be?
I'm not sure.
So I have been pondering instead:
Who do I want to be?
And then:
How do I become that person?
I remember some years ago a conversation with my mother where I described several women in our ward and how I admired them. One of them infused her children's lives with music. Another was so athletic with her children. Another was so organized. The list went on.
I wanted to be like them. All of them.
My wise mother pointed out that they did all have the talents I admired, but that none of them had ALL of those talents, and that I would have to pick and choose what I would focus on because I couldn't do all of those things.
I have never been good at choosing.
So, I have been trying all these years to do all of those things. And it isn't working.
So I am left to wonder:
Who do I really want to be when I grow up?
Who do I want to be?
And then:
How do I become that person?
I remember some years ago a conversation with my mother where I described several women in our ward and how I admired them. One of them infused her children's lives with music. Another was so athletic with her children. Another was so organized. The list went on.
I wanted to be like them. All of them.
My wise mother pointed out that they did all have the talents I admired, but that none of them had ALL of those talents, and that I would have to pick and choose what I would focus on because I couldn't do all of those things.
I have never been good at choosing.
So, I have been trying all these years to do all of those things. And it isn't working.
So I am left to wonder:
Who do I really want to be when I grow up?
1 comment:
Just look at the picture at the top of your blog and that will tell you what you want and need to be now!!! As they get older you will change a little in your "who do I want to be??" assesment. Then as they get REALLY old and start to leave, you will ask yourself again "who do I want to be?" and the answer will be different. Right now, the enriching of your children's lives and being there as their mom is who you should want to be NOW. But every year that will change a little. Being a good mom now includes your gym time and time with D. And you ARE being a good mom---you are patient, you are THERE, you love your kids and show it, and you give them opportunities to learn and grow. Years from now you can look back and say "I did a darn good job with my kids!!" Just don't worry about those things you THINK you're not doing. Those things don't matter now. SMILE!!! You're a great mom!!!!! And being "someone's mom" is a great tribute!!
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