I am appealing for your comments here...
When you find yourself in a rut, and you know you are losing sight of the joy in your life...how do you pull yourself out?
I mean, maybe you guys don't have the problem of sometimes just feeling burnt out and unmotivated, but I do. And I need some new tricks. Or at least some motivation to pull out the old ones.
I would love to hear what you do...and if it is too personal, please consider sharing anyway, but just leave it as an anonymous comment.
I am counting on you guys to save me from my next large chocolate fix...
8 comments:
So, I may not be a mother yet, but to be honest, it scares me to death in some ways, because I struggle with motivation all the time.
I struggle often with finding motivation to better myself- whether it be to exercise so that I can be happy with my body, or to be dedicated to studying for the CPA exam...
I wouldn't say that I'm that unhappy, but I can't seem to figure out how to get up off my "rump," so to speak.
So, if you figure it out, let me know!
There are so many "I have to"s in the average day. Find at least one "I want to" (beside eating chocolate :)) every day and DO IT. I find that the "I have to"s become a milstone and eventually drown me. You deserve some "I want to"s and they help rejuvinate the soul to face the "I have to"s. Also, remember that some of the "I have to"s are self-imposed. The real "have to"s are enough to kill us off without adding the "I think I have to"s to the mix when you don't really need them.
Good luck!
I find something that I want to do, that is all me. I love to read. So I bought a new book that I am wanting to sit down and escape.
We just got back from a trip. I have suitcases to unload and laundry to wash. For every bag I have worked on I get to stop and escape to my chair for some me time. This is a really slow and drawn out processes but it is ALL I CAN DO TODAY. And that is OKAY.
Plus I have an amazing husband that understands my "vacation depression " -- you know, the hard time returning to the world after a trip. My great husband also bought me a bag of M&M's. Makes me happy and is not as bad as baking/eating all day.
2 words...Girl's Weekend. Just you and other women with NO Children! (except maybe an infant if they are still nursing or something like that). 2 nights away to regroup.
Working out is always good, because exercise releases endorphines and endorphines make you happy and happy people just don't kill their husbands (legally blond). I really like yoga. Reading scriptures, even if it is just a column. Finding time for something for you during the week (book group, scrapbooking) whatever it is that you like, church activity doesn't always count, but can. Meditation is a really good one. I read this book Self-Nurture by Alice Domar. It talked about "hamsa" which translates to I am that and focusing on what you strive for and what you are. It also talked about how taking care of yourself makes you better at taking care of others. It is kind of funny but I read this book when I was 19. And I'm sure you're thinking "why the heck would a 19 year old find and read a book like this?" I found that I was very mean to myself, "my self talk". And I find this book so very applicable even more so now after having a child and seeing how much as mothers we take care of everybody else, children and husband, and forget about ourselves. A lot of times, I just take out of things what I like, so if you do read this book, I suggest the same thing. So if something is too crazy for you, don't disregard the whole book. I hope this makes sense. I could talk a whole lot more on this kind of stuff, if your interested. I will keep you in my prayers.
The best thing I've done to improve my feelings about my quality of life is join a gym with childcare. I used to think this was a ridiculous extravagance but three things have become glaring clear. 1) My husband is never going to have much more time to spend with the family then he does. I want every second I can get. 2) Getting up early enough in the morning or exercising late enough at night that he could watch the kids without missing me means I don't get enough sleep to keep the will to live :). 3) Exercise is absolutely necessary to keep me happy. So the money became worth it. Now I have 90 glorious minutes a day of childcare. I take zumba classes in which I feel ridiculous but I keep coming back because the music makes me happy, I lift weights, or run. It doesn't matter I'm just glad to be moving and then I shower alone, no kids, no distractions, just me. It is wonderful. I usually do this when little E is at preschool so it is just baby G and she is so happy to have new toys and people to play with. It is a win/win, but even when E goes he finds ways to be entertained and I'm happy just not to be arguing with him about not watching cartoons. I've definitely noticed a difference in the way I feel about my general quality of life this last four months and it is the only way I made it through the 35 days hubby was out of the country and the blahness of a new pregnancy.
Some great ideas there. But you have to have the gumption to get up and go. I really like the babysitting service while you exercise. Gets the kids playing with others without you and it's YOUR time. I know you'd never sit down and read a book---there's always too much at home demanding your time. But still consider the email.....it'll help.
Mom
I wish I could go do water aerobics at the gym again. I was doing it regularly for a while and I really REALLY Loved it! My life is super stressful and it was nice to have a little time JUST FOR ME! I took an extra long shower after the class just for more time to myself. Then I was much happier and better able to deal with the kids.
For now, I just pull away from everyone and everything as the stress mounts. I've got to get off my duff and get doing something..walking, swimming (which I VASTLY prefer)..whatever.
I don't know if you're still looking for ideas but I thought I'd throw my attempts in the ring as well. First off I think you need to take a definite look at yourself and have someone who knows you well give an opinion as well - you may have post-partum which drastically changes what will work to help you find your groove, energy, and happiness. After I had Jack I felt like something was off but I figured it would get better, in actuality it just kept getting worse and worse and by the time I realized that something was REALLY wrong he was already 8 months old and my doctor (who is a total idiot) said he wouldn't help me or refer me because I hadn't come to him before Jack was 6 months. I ended up struggling (as in praying every night that I would die in my sleep and sobbing for hours every morning realizing that I was alive) until he was about 15 months. The only thing that got me out of it was fasting and putting my name on the prayer roll) Looking back it was probably the worst year of my life. I can only imagine how stressful your life is right now and how much of both parents burden you are carrying while D is working so hard and long, you really may want to look into this area as well. Sometimes it's hard to notice it in ourselves.
However, I've recently restructured my diet to follow more closely the word of wisdom (I too LOVE LOVE LOVE the chocolate). I eat big bowls of fruit for breakfast, big salads (with beans for protein) for lunch, and dinner is more veggies with whole grains. Meat no more than once or twice a week and a limited amount of sugar - I definitely still eat a cookie a day, but at least I'm not eating a batch a day any more!! A good book to look at for explanations/recipes is Eat to Live. The author is a little crazy, but his ideas are good and founded on the principles of the WofW, and all the research I've done on it has shown that it's a really good thing both short-term and long-term.
I don't have the time or opportunity to exercise (the truth is that I hate exercising so I don't make time, and I deeply envy all those ladies who say they like it) and so my only option is my eating. It takes a little more preparation but I've found if I go shopping once every ten days and devout an hour after shopping to cleaning, chopping, and categorizing veggies (prepackaging salads so they are ready to go for those days we live in the car) and having everything easy to grab has made it easy. I also leave a chopping board on the sink with a sharp knife nearby (but out of the way of course) and a big bowl of fruit that way I can chop an apple quickly as I pass (I've found I won't eat them unless I chop them - weird I know). The result is I'm FINALLY losing the baby weight, but most importantly my mind is clear - I have more patience and love for everyone. My perspective is clearer and I'm better able to deal with problems and stress. Another perk is that my kids are eating healthier as well - Jack eats about 4-5 oranges (the cuties that are everywhere right now) 1 or 2 apples, a banana, and a bowl of strawberries every day. Cadence eats the same except she doesn't like oranges. They are doing a lot better as well, they can focus more easily, they obey more readily, and are sleeping better.
And finally I've found I need to plan my day down to half hour increments and keep it posted. If I know what I can/should/need to be doing then I have an easier time finding the will to do them. Unfortunately if I sit when I'm not supposed to be I still have a hard time getting going again.
I hope that offers another idea to think over. If you have any questions or anything I'd love to talk to you, you can email me amberleeparry@gmail.com any time. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Sorry for the novel - I'm not good at being concise.
PS #5 is BEAUTIFUL!!
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