My Saturday schedule called for:
Long run, 12 miles at 10:50.
I didn't try to pace myself according to the Garmin, but just according to what felt right to pace with pre-funeral feelings. My running time for 12 miles was 2:05:13, which was a 10:26 pace.
At the funeral home Friday night, my running came up in conversation with some of my cousins who seemed almost confused that I would get up to run 12 miles the next morning. It is bizarre.
I was sharing a hotel suite with one of my sisters and her daughter. When I told my neice that I would be leaving between 5:30 and 6 AM to go run 12 miles the next day, and that I hoped to come back before Princess woke up she responded with, "You're kidding, right?" and she couldn't believe that I wasn't.
But despite the shock of my family, this run was just what I needed to work through my grief before the funeral. I left when it was still dark as night, and found the trail unlit. I didn't have time to wait until sunrise to run, so I made two 2.17 mile loops in the streetlight filled neighborhood near the trail to get started. It poured through much of these loops and I became pretty drenched pretty quickly.
The homes were dark, but I knew that if anyone were to wake up and see me out their window they would think I was nuts to run in the dark in the rain...this is California folks. When it pours, people just wait to move on with their lives, putting off anything they possibly can until the weather changes.
But I kept on. Much of my time on the trail was almost sacred. I was able to ponder through my feelings not just about Grandma's passing, but about my Aunt Kathy's as well. I cried. And I admit I shared some of my feelings aloud with Grandma, hoping she would get the message. I think she did.
And when I was done my heart felt lighter, and I had found the peace I needed to move forward.
Happy running!
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